Taking
Touching someone for *your* pleasure, with their full agreement: "Can I take this from you, for me?" This one makes people flinch — and it's sacred when agreed to honestly. Power and clarity are sexy.
Taking is the one that makes people shift in their seats. I've watched it happen in workshops for decades — someone hears "I'm doing this for me, using your body with your consent" and their shoulders tighten. We've been taught that good lovers only give. That wanting something for yourself during sex is selfish, or worse, predatory. But here's what I've seen in real bodies: when someone asks "Can I take this from you, for me?" and the answer is a real, embodied yes — something sacred happens. The air changes. The power dynamic becomes visible, named, and held with care.
I'm a switch. I've been on both sides of that question. When I'm taking — sucking a nipple because I love the taste and texture, watching someone undress because the sight of them undressing turns me on — I'm not performing generosity. I'm being honest about my desire. And when I'm allowing someone to take from me, I'm not being passive. I'm actively choosing to let them feed their hunger on me. That's the dance.
Where people get stuck is confusing taking with entitlement. Entitlement doesn't ask. Entitlement doesn't track the other person's nervous system. Taking, the way I teach it, is deeply attuned. You ask. You watch for the somatic yes — the breath that deepens, the body that leans in, the eyes that stay open. You check in: "Still good? Want more?" And you stop the moment the answer shifts, you stop. That's not choreography. That's conversation.
In power exchange, taking becomes even clearer. A dominant who takes without tracking their submissive's capacity isn't dominating — they're being careless. The sacred version? "I'm going to take your breath now. Tell me when it's enough." That's not cruelty. That's a container strong enough to hold real intensity.
If you've never let yourself take — really take, with permission and presence — start small. Ask to touch a shoulder for your own pleasure. Watch what happens in your chest when the answer is yes. That's not selfish. That's sovereignty. And sovereignty, held with care, is the hottest thing in the room.